September 10th, 2003


That was... interesting...

After being at work for three hours, I discovered that the owner wanted three people to head home early.  It was a really slow day, so I totally understood why.  I wasn't supposed to be one of them, but I asked if that would be okay... so that other people could choose to stay.  I got my wish... which works out great, as I still have plenty to do for both JTAF and Yaoi-Con.  Not five minutes after leaving, I come across an out of control FIRE on someone's residence!  Naturally, everyone was just standing around... probably thinking that since someone called 911 (as I heard firetrucks), there was nothing else they could or should do.  Stupid yuppie Marinites.  Some of them stood there with their kids, setting quite an amazing example for them.  All they did was ask eachother how long the fire had been burning, as if it was a show for their own personal amusement.

It made me sad to watch these people... and I realized that I'd have to pay them to help me.

I immediately ran over to a nearby trash can, and removed the bag so that I could use it for water, but naturally the damn thing was fastened down... and I couldn't break the chain.  So, I then ran to a nearby business and asked them to borrow a garbage can.  It turned out to be some gymnasium that I went to like fifteen years ago.  Anyhow, I then ran back to get water that I could dump on the dry brush that was causing the fire to spread.  Luckily, the fire department actually arrived quickly and took care of business.  I returned the bucket, and left... walking away from the ever-growing crowd of people who simply sat and watched the fire burn.  At times, I feel like the only person who even gives a shit when something bad happens to someone I don't know.  I'm sick of both literally and figuratively putting out fires, because no one else cares but me.

I tried calling a ton of people today, many for the second or third time in a short while.  I just kept calling person after person, but no one answered their phone or called back after I left yet another voice mail... not one person, of every single local and long distance call I made.  None of the people I text messaged replied, either.  This has been happening for days, along with the people who say they'll call me back and don't... and I wish I understood why.  Am I doing something wrong?  I can't remember the last time I felt so... alone.  I guess I'll go into San Francisco to do some convention work now, and leave you guys to your lives.  I hope that all of you are well, since I can't seem to get in touch with any of you.  I do miss you and love you all, though.  I don't know why I feel so sad right now.  I'm about to cry, and it doesn't make any sense.

I feel like such a pansy right now... and I'm sorry for whining about this.  I know all of you have your own problems to deal with, most of them much more important and more significant than this stupid one of mine...

- Chris (cK1)