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This LiveJournal entry is dedicated to people who aren't really my friends, but have pretended to be.  People who read this may be offended by parts of this post, but I'm writing this because I've held it in too long... out of fear that I might offend people, or because I'm afraid it might cause some sort of fighting amongst my friends.  However, I realized something recently... that my silence actually isn't doing anyone any favors.  The truth still exists, revealing itself in much more painful ways over time.  In many cases, I probably would have protected some people's feelings by stating what I know... so I'm sick of keeping quiet any longer.  It's time to do what I have to, and be bluntly open about how I feel in my own damn journal.  I apologize to those of you who will be negatively affected due to the ripple effect of this post, and I understand that I will likely lose friends over this.  Feel free to post anything you want in response to this post... be open and honest about how you feel about what I've written, if you wish to share what's on your mind.

This would spam the hell out of your friends lists, so I'm using an LJ-cut...Collapse )

Sorry that was so long, but it all needed to be said.  It's time for the fire to spread... and I just hope it remains contained in this single LiveJournal account.  If you feel that you've been unfairly represented in my journal, write a comment here or e-mail me.  If I agree, I'll post an apology in a subsequent post... but as far as I can discern from my view of the world, this is true information that people should know.  I don't want to post this, but I'd regret not posting it a whole lot more.

- Chris (cK1)

Edit at 4:15pm on Tuesday, December 16, 2003: I removed links to Nick, Jen, Cassie, and Sandra's journals.


( 151 comments — Leave a comment )
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Dec. 15th, 2003 10:42 pm (UTC)
Mad props for getting all that off your chest, dude. Its not healthy to keep stuff like that in, so let it out every so often. I'll see you around. ^_^
Dec. 15th, 2003 10:48 pm (UTC)
With Nick...I don't think you've been told everything about that situation. It's more complicated than you think. More complicated than what me, randee, and omi know.
Nick does make mistakes and I try to help keep him from that, but this was really just a rather bad miscommunication going on with that.
I really do wish you can forgive and forget about that. maybe it was all just bad timing? I don't know, but he's my friend I forgave him and am going to continue to help him make better decisions.

huh, I thought you were gonna say somethin' about me o.o
I'm pretty open though, I don't really have a reason to hide anything. and if there is EVER a time where you're dissapointed/upseat at me, please do tell me. I'm open to any criticism and will appologize if I stepped over my bounds.
Dec. 15th, 2003 10:55 pm (UTC)
Re: hmm
Your comment has been the one I've been the most afraid to receive, as I feared that what I've said might cost me your friendship.  I basically talked smack publicly about many of your friends, all in one post... and I was afraid I would lose the chance to try and make things right with you.  I'll sleep tonight knowing that you don't hate me, Eve.

*shuts his eyes, feeling a few tears building up*  I don't know if I made the right choice... all I know is that I'm so thankful that the world hasn't come crashing down on me, at least not yet.  Eve, I could never be upset with you.  I can't believe you were expecting to be on my list.  My friends adore you, just as I do... and I've never heard of a single thing connected to you that has ever caused any ill to any of my friends.  All you ever do is love them like your brothers and sisters.

I promise you that I will call you if anything involving you directly is ever negatively impacting me.  I swear, though... I can't see you ever causing my friends or I any pain that they didn't thoroughly deserve.  Thank you so much for being my friend.  Call me any time, for any reason... and I promise you, I will be there for you in any way that I know how to be.

- Chris
Re: hmm - jangmi - Dec. 15th, 2003 11:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:03 pm (UTC)
where the hell is MY ten minute hate?
Dec. 16th, 2003 10:26 pm (UTC)
Yes. I want to do something like this but I don't really know who I would target, or why. :P I guess I'll keep "bottled in" whatever it is...
Oh boy... - tidus - Dec. 17th, 2003 12:23 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Oh boy... - jeffreyatw - Dec. 17th, 2003 09:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Silly... - tidus - Dec. 17th, 2003 12:21 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:04 pm (UTC)
Hey, better to let those feelings out than to hold them in, ne?
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:08 pm (UTC)
Dude, you showed some cojones and I respect you for that. It's bot healthy keeping all that stuff inside and it's a good thing you let it all out. I know one person who is on your friends list and I agree completely on what you said about her, cause frankly, she treat me real cold at yaoi-con. Not naming names though. well, I've said my piece and I'll see you around.
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:28 pm (UTC)
when I first read this, before the cut, I almost had a heart attack, wondering if I was on there. imagine my relief when i wasn't! anyway, we haven't talked in a long time, and we should start again; talking to you was fun. granted, i know you're probably busy, but i have a cell phone now, with free long distance, and time aplenty, especially on nights when there are free mintues. email me at troubledspork@hotmail.com if you want the number, and i'll be happy to give it to you.
ps-i might be visiting the bay area over spring break. if i do, (since i'll be staying with donny if i go) we should have a mini necro hangout. whee!
Dec. 17th, 2003 12:20 am (UTC)
I have no idea what made you think that I'd list you!  Count me in for that mini Necromium thing; it'd be great to see Donny again.  I'd really be happy to meet you as well, of course... especially since I never thought I'd get that chance.  By the way, does your cellular phone have text messaging?  If it does, you can just send your cell number directly to my phone.  The number is (415) 302-8869.  By the way... the strange chat conversations I keep reading in your LiveJournal always crack me up... especially when Donny's involved.  :)

- Chris
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:30 pm (UTC)
Random person posting in your journal! Well, I've come across your journal quite a few times, and this post alone caught my eye. It was a very admirable move on your part to say what you felt, and on their part for replying in return, even if things don't always turn out for the best. It's always nice to let people know how you feel and see what they have to say in return.
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:36 pm (UTC)
*smiles at you*
Thank you for saying hello this time around... I just wish that you had done so earlier.  Your kind words are greatly appreciated... especially at a time like this, when I was expecting people to strike back at me just as I feel that I struck at others.  Everyone has been so kind to me... and it brings me hope when that unsolicited kindness comes from someone new, you being that person.  If you wish, perhaps we can become friends.  It would mean a lot to me if you felt the same.  :)

- Chris
Re: *smiles at you* - le_arcangelo - Dec. 15th, 2003 11:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: *smiles at you* - tidus - Dec. 17th, 2003 12:53 am (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 15th, 2003 11:50 pm (UTC)
It's most likely been said a few times already, but I admire you for saying what you had to say. I just wish I had the courage to do similar on my journal, even somewhat as thought out as you've written.

Drama isn't a good thing, and it seems like you've put up with more than your fair share over time. In fact, I feel like what how I've been feeling lately doesn't even come close to what's been on your mind when you wrote this post. I'm sorry you've had to put out so many fires, and even more sorry that more waves are being made in the wake of this.

I do, however, thank you for being one of the rather huge group of people in the Room From Hell at AX this year, and for showing up at the SF Jtown cosplayer "boredom" event back in summer, and even for the LiveJournal gathering/Matrix Revolutions/karaoke event at the Metreon last month. (Thanks for saving a seat for me, even though I was clear on the other side of the theater, I'm just sorry I didn't make my way over there. ^_^;)

I look forward to hearing from you, maybe even calling you (Though I don't really know any good time to call other than the weekends) if I'm close to the area, and of course, the next LiveJournal gatherings down the road.

I've added your post to my Memories listings. I'm sure it took a lot to say what you had to say, and I admire you for having the courage to do it.

Stay in touch...
Dec. 16th, 2003 12:43 am (UTC)
heyyy chris *hug* you shouldnt be keeping those things in. Definately speak your mind, though maybe in a personal conversation would be better. *shrug* then again, what do I know bout these things?

-will call when finals are done killing me. ttyl
*kiss on the cheek*
Dec. 16th, 2003 02:37 am (UTC)
way to go champ
thats totally awesome that you could get all that off yer chest.
i dont really know you, but i totally admire that because even though it is yer journal, and you should be able to post whatever the fuck you want, its not always exactly like that.
i totally commend you for doing what you did.<3
Dec. 16th, 2003 02:39 am (UTC)
Hey hows it going, feel better?
There will always be pain in life. Sad to say, all we can do is lessen it, and learn from it. I hope you have learned something,because thats really the only person you know you can teach, everyone else is inconstant.
Sleep well. And may you have as little pain as possible.
-Jeremy(the guy that works at the movie theater in Novato, long hair)

Oh I meant to ask how do I go about volunteering for fanime next year?
Dec. 16th, 2003 03:10 am (UTC)
I have to admit, I was really surprised to see my name there because I wasn't aware that we knew each other enough to warrent a rant. Though, clearly, we do. Or something. I'm sorry, but I'm really confused. What concerns me the most is that you think that I'm nice to you and then mean to you on and off, depending on my whim that day. I apologize, but you have to admit, we don't really know eachother that well. I have a tendency to open up and close down depending on how I feel in given situations. Like the Matrix movie for example, I was VERY uncomfortable, so I was pretty much a cold bitch to everyone. As for the unethical thing, I can't really argue with that, except for when you said that it wasn't the first time. That part confuses me a bit. Um, I guess if you care enough about the whole cheating thing, then I can tell you, but I don't think everyone wants to read about my deteriorating relationship. Oh, and I do take responsibilities for my actions. I might make jokes about being a victim, and I guess I don't make it obvious that I know what's really going on, but I do know.

I guess the thing is, I can't really argue with any of this, but I don't understand where you come off saying all of this to me, because really... we don't know each other very well. Probably the most of what you know about me you've heard from either Justin or Cassie, and I just recently discovered that cassie's been saying some pretty strange things about me. Hopefully we can clear this up, because I've obviously offended you and I really didn't intend to. Sorry if this sounds bitchy, but I'm trying to address this without calling you a liar or kissing your ass. anyway, I'll try and contact you later on.
Dec. 16th, 2003 05:19 pm (UTC)
Re: whoa..
The only strange thing... I could think that I said, is that you're attractive, but only because I'm bi.. but other than that..I can't think of anything else. I am a strange person, but I could never hurt you, Sandra.. my dear.
Re: whoa.. - tidus - Dec. 16th, 2003 05:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 16th, 2003 03:40 am (UTC)
I'm speechless Chris
That is some strong stuff there.
I'm glad i'm not on the list but i think i probably should be....

Like that day i annoyed noa... I'm sorry noa... but i know he doesn't want to say it in front of my face i know he knows that i'm annoying.....

anyways =)
sorry i couldn't come that day i couldn't go anywhere because my parents where outta town...
I know i should of called but.... i 4 got..
sorry chris and randee
Dec. 16th, 2003 05:56 am (UTC)
Dear Tidus
Greetings, tidus (chris)
I am sorry you have to go through this. I know how your feelings. You have many friends but be careful. I'm sure you know how to handle. I'm glad you won't let anyone pretend to be your friend. i hate that. you aren't only one.

I do not like being hold myself too much, I want to tell you how I feel. I wish we could talk each other some more but you hardly see to me or who else. I've missed you. -sighs deeply- I tried to get your attention on me few days ago I left you a comment about Squall, Irvine and someone else i forget. I was waiting for you. but i never get relieced any of you. But i let you go as I move on. It's wierd of my feelings like you aren't there for me. I was sad. I know you are very busy. I don't blame you. I really do care about you and my friends. I wish all my friends would be there for me sometime as I be there too, -sighs- It's life..

I just want to tell you so early before christmas time someone would come after you and get your attention on them. I wish you merry christmas and happy new year.

Good luck.
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