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Six weeks have passed...

...and I'm inconsiderate enough to finally post now that I'm sad again.  It's so rare that I even briefly feel this way... but I guess it's the result of lots of things that a number of people have been doing online.  People who will only talk to me on AIM if I initiate the conversation first, people who claim to want to be my friend but won't even take the two seconds to add me to their friends list after I ask 'em multiple times... people who pretend, though I can't possibly imagine the reasons why they do this.  People who randomly take me off their friends list when I couldn't possibly have offended them, then ignore my gentle inquiry afterwards.  That's just a few basic examples.  On the off chance that someone ever added me to her/his friends list just because I link to MP3s in every post, take me off your list now.  :(

Good things are going on in my real life... I've had a wonderful time hangin' with old friends lately.  I have some new friends who use LiveJournal as well... Amy's User InfoAmy is a great example of one.  She doesn't judge me or make assumptions about me, she's easy to talk to and spend time with, and she's candid with how she feels.  She also doesn't say random stuff to me, or about me, that hurts my feelings... she's simply a true friend.  Right now, my real life friends are the sources of happiness in my life that are keeping me from being depressed about the depressing stuff that's happened online.  As a result of this, I'm going to take some time away from AIM, LiveJournal, even e-mail... all of it.  If you're an online friend who hasn't seen me in a while, don't worry... you're still a good friend, and I almost definitely have no qualms with you.

I'm sorry to write something so depressing... but if you really are concerned that this is about you, just drop me a line by e-mail or post a comment.  I'll get back to you when I return.  Thanks to those of you who have always been consistent in the level of friendship you've shared with me, and the openness we've come to expect from eachother.  I'll be looking forward to more of it when I return some time next week.  Until then, please refrain from text messaging me if the contents of it will be something like "I'm sorry..." or "I hope I didn't...".  Just e-mail it, please... I'll get it later.  I just need some time.  I'm still available by cell if it's an emergency though, of course... that will never change.

You all mean the world to me... please don't forget that.  *breathes softly to avoid crying, which he hasn't had to do in over a year*  I feel like such a pansy right now... nearly crying over people I've never even seen.  I guess all of you mean more to me than I want you to.  *forces his eyes shut*  I'll try to post more comments in all of your journals when I return, so that you don't have to take my word that I'm reading what you write.  I do read what you write, too... most every word, catching up on entries I've missed every few days or so.  I hope that's enough, because that's all the time I have.  Oh, and for anyone who possibly thinks they could've caused me to be so sad all by herself or himself... that's impossible.  Let it go... don't be sad because of what I'm writing here.

I'll be back before long, and I'm sorry I don't have the time or strength to individually talk to all of you about this right now.

Comments

( 38 comments — Leave a comment )
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tax
Aug. 15th, 2002 09:56 am (UTC)
i'm still here...as a horrifying prospect as that may seem [:p] it's true. and i still think you're wonderful.
*hugs of lotsness*
don't let the bastards grind you down.
ryer_ord_star
Aug. 15th, 2002 10:04 am (UTC)
:(

/me hugs

I know i can be really mean and rude and...usually i don't even know i'm doing it...

/me sighs

Anyways...i hope you feel better after....
yuunalesca
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:18 am (UTC)
This is one of those times that I really wish my phone had long distance on it, or that I wouldn't get interrupted mid-conversation on the other line from my brother being a prick. If I had long distance or I wouldn't be bothered I wouldn't hesitate to call you right now. And it might be better you DO take a break. There are a lot of loser people online, and a lot of really great ones. Someone who seems to be one of the "great" ones can end up being one of the people to make you feel the worst, and regret ever finding their screenname/livejournal name/email/whatever.

But then there is the people who you become very good friends with and stay that way for a long time..first months, then a year, then two years...and it just goes on from there. Like Natsuo's best friend Pete, who has known his girlfriend for 6 years, and they've never met in real life. It's the relationships like that, that make going online in the first place and meeting new people all worth it, right? That's why you're still comming back, right? It should be. It may be upsetting to run into those who are the "evil" ones, and stressful, but in the end you know it's all worth it. I know you've met some wonderful friends online, right?^_^

And they are all friends, net or real life. And if you didn't want them to mean this much to you, they wouldn't. But the fact is you're a very kind and caring person, and you DO care about them, a lot.

I hope when you come back, you're the same old happy Chris that I know and love. ^_^ *hugs you*
sourlemon
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:18 am (UTC)
Well, I don't want to remove you. :/
ex_shrewd
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:22 am (UTC)
I'm sorry..
cerberus
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:40 am (UTC)
Holy shit dude, I don't think I've ever seen you this down before. You've always been so carefree and open, I really have never seen you so troubled like this before. Feel better soon, okay? Btw, wanna watch Signs maybe tomorrow night? I was going to ask you tonight, actually.
zeke_bard
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:42 am (UTC)
I like your DDR posts lots. I like to learn stuff. And it saddens me too that you didn't post one this time. :(
ryer_ord_star
Aug. 15th, 2002 11:49 am (UTC)
I really like this song, by the way.

I agree with everyone else, i'd really love to see the happy Chris back; I really loved him....

/me hugs

I hope you feel better

Later,
Becca
stereohog
Aug. 15th, 2002 12:32 pm (UTC)
well, i guess i'd best take you off my list then! because i didn't add you because you're a lovely-bubbly person ;D actually, truth be told i added you because your username is tidus.. heheh.

but i'm glad i did add you, because you're fantastico! and you actually talk to me o.o <33
katahane
Aug. 15th, 2002 12:59 pm (UTC)
see? all these people luff you chris. Well.. i cant speak for them all but like someone else said ive never ever seen you this down. things will get better and shine throu. :)
zell_dincht
Aug. 15th, 2002 01:58 pm (UTC)
Damn...
Hey!

I know the feeling... Never be sorry for writing depressing things on your LJ even though it doesn't seem like the type of person you are. Hell, all my friends (i.e. Sam, Shanny, Jen, etc.) had no idea that I'd write all that shiznit about me back then. For one thing, a journal is there for your to voice out your feelings, right? That's exactly what I do on here.

I'd see you on AOL every now and then, usually with your "busy" icon turned on. If that's the case, then I don't want to bother you, ya know? Otherwise, I would have talked to you then. And remember one thing: never be afraid to let it all out, even if it means crying. In my opinion, it makes you a better person. And you don't need to talk to all of us individually, also. What you did was more than enough to express how you felt about all of us. Thanks.
jennekohan
Aug. 15th, 2002 03:01 pm (UTC)
Awww I hope you feel better soon! ::hugs::
wyvren_song
Aug. 15th, 2002 05:25 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure what exactly is going on, and I'm not going to poke my nose into until you want to talk about it. Just know that I am here for you, always have been, and always will be. It's wrong to have to go through whatever you are going through now, and I wish it didn't have to happen to one of the nicest people I have EVER in my entire life known! I still miss you, and hope that you'll come through this all right. Lemme just say again; I'm here if you need me. Call me, text me, whatever. Just remember who your TRUE friends are... always helps me a bit when I'm down!!!! **big hugglez** :)
songblade
Aug. 15th, 2002 06:27 pm (UTC)
::gives you shakey hugglies:: When I get back, you'll hear me sing ^_^ Cheer up, hun.
dynastessa
Aug. 15th, 2002 06:37 pm (UTC)
Everyone pretty much said things I would've said, so I'll just repeat them, I guess...
Basically, it hurts me to see you so sad. You're never sad! You're always so cheery. I know we can't expect that from you all the time though, since everyone's entitled to feel the way they do when they do.
Some people by nature are rather rude/mean/etc...and that can't be helped. Anyway, minus those evil people who aren't worth your time anyway, there are all those who definitely appreciate and love you, so we're all here for you.
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( 38 comments — Leave a comment )