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It's been... what, nearly a month?

A lot has happened... some things good, many things bad.  I guess I'll start with today, and work my way backwards.  I'm sitting here with John (l33tsysadmin) and Jordan (nominalsoul) right now.  In the lovely world of Dance Dance Revolution Extreme, I finally managed to pass AM-3P on the Trick Oni course... and my jaw dropped as I finally witnessed Max 300 at 1/4 speed, for the first time in person.  Jordan had never even seen me beat Ecstasy on that course, so he was duly impressed.  I died in like 15 seconds on MAX 300, laughing at how insane it was.  I swear, I am never going to pass that song.  Anyhow... moving backwards in time, I had a pretty decent day at work.  One of my customers was so happy with me that she walked blocks away to a See's Candies store, bought me chocolates, and brought them all the way back to the store for me.  I could hardly believe it.  She then walked out again in a hurry, before I could properly thank her.  What a sweetheart!  :)

Sunday night was the first time I really had the chance to talk to my roommate since returning from Anime Overdose.  It was a fun convention, but I'll get to that soon.  Anyhow... my roommate is moving to Los Angeles, and I was expecting to be able to stay in the apartment.  As the place I live is officially a one bedroom, there's only supposed to be one person living there... officially.  However, apparently it wasn't a problem for me to stay there as well... since I was never put on the lease, a detail my roommate was kind enough to avoid mentioning to me.

Anyhow, I discovered that night that he was unable to sublet the apartment to me when he moved out... but also is transferring the lease to his brother, who has never even lived there.  When I asked him why he wasn't transferring the lease to me, he sort of made up an excuse on the spot... trying to claim that it wasn't okay for me to be put on the lease, but it was just fine to add his brother.  It's rare that I meet someone who lies as poorly as he does.  He could barely even make up an explanation for why he wasn't able to transfer the lease to me, trying to confuse me with claims that there was some policy that he didn't understand... and eventually just changing the subject.

I politely watched the movie he was watching for a while, he eventually tried to say something else, and eventually I started silently crying in the darkness where he couldn't see me.  I then said goodnight very calmly, walked slowly to my room, and took some Advil for the headache I had... which had gotten about three times worse since he had started talking to me.  I lied down on my bed, let some more tears out, and waited for the Advil to kick in so that I could sleep.  It's been many, many years since I cried.  I almost cried in early September, when I felt especially lonely for some reason... but I never actually felt any tears run down my cheeks.  Sunday night, I cried for a good five minutes... in complete silence.  Maybe it was because of the headache... and maybe not.

My mom visited me earlier tonight.  I would up explaining that very few things hurt me, but one of them is when a friend betrays me.  When I first moved in with Newcomb (my current DJ roommate), I trusted him.  When he told me about the lease, I continued to trust him.  When he told me that he was moving to Los Angeles in less than a month, and wanted to sublet the apartment... I realized that I was an idiot.  He was using me from the beginning.  He rented out a $500 room to me, in an apartment that is only about $850 a month with free utilities, so that he could choose not to work... and then when he got bored, he could save gobs of money for his move to LA... a move he never told me he was planning until it would be apparent that he was moving out.

*sigh*  Enough of how much my life sucks, though.  I had a really great time at Anime Overdose... and once again felt like some sort of strange celebrity because I was dressed up as Irvine Kinneas from Final Fantasy VIII.  I ran into ton of friends, danced my heart out for a while, and ran around with large quantities of Final Fantasy cosplayers... most of whom I already knew.  I was happy until the end, when I felt ignored for a while... but it passed.  I felt a lot better on my way home, when I sat and talked with some truly wonderful friends... and felt very much like I belonged, and that I was welcome.  I'd talk about all the wonderful people I met, but this post would be another 5 pages if I did... and it's already too long as it is.

LiveJournal Party - February 13 and 14, 2004

The party was smaller than usual, but cool.  We met up at the Metreon, though I seemed to be the only person there when the party started... and gradually, people showed up.  We had a pretty good group going, bought some movie tickets, and then I started a somewhat disorganized contest.  The game was LiveJournal trivia... and the prize was a guest spot in my journal, and the chance to boss me around for the rest of the party.  Jimbo (staplerx) won, but never took me up on either part of the prize.  Ah well, it was still fun.  We watched Big Fish, if I remember correctly... and I really enjoyed it.  :)

After the movie, we headed to Karaoke... where Claudine (crpsaiyan) proceeded to get on people's nerves for the third consecutive LJ party she attended.  She even posted a rant about me and a couple of other people in her journal.  My response to her rant is simple.  She treated Meredith very rudely, yelled at everyone to shut up during Karaoke so that she could sing the song she had chosen at Karaoke alone, and then ran off when we were trying to get everyone in Cassie's car... despite that she used to beg Vince to be crammed into his car, despite how unsafe it might be.

I could write a paragraph about how she hung up on me instead of talking about what happened, how many of my friends she has pissed off, and tons of other stuff... but it appears that all of you already seem to know that she's been like this for years, as you shared your stories with me about how she treated you in the past.  I must admit that I felt lucky that she swore that she was through attending my LiveJournal parties, as I had been planning to ask her to not attend any others... as per many of your requests.  She did me a favor, and I didn't even have to ask.  I just wish that we could have remained friends, as she seems to be in short supply of them... but that's to be expected.  Ah well, it's for the best.

Cassie, there's a new rule for my parties... don't bring any alcohol with you in public.  I don't care if it's Jello, I don't care if it's watered down beer, just keep it in your car.  You're also not allowed to show up if you're drunk, or get drunk and then join us, or be on any medication that messes you up if you plan to join us.  The same goes for everyone, as that's a set of common sense rules.  You can drink in private places with me, such as my apartment... that's not illegal, and I can keep an eye on you and be responsible for you if you're under 21.  I know the law, and that is allowed for.

I think that it's safe to say that we all had a good time once we got to my apartment... except maybe Cassie, who was thoroughly wasted and went to sleep in my roommate's loft bed.  I wasn't very happy about that... but I covered for it.  The Vodka Jello shots were quite a nice touch then, though... so I thank you for that one, Cassie.  Some other friends of mine showed up to join us there, too.  Eventually, we all crashed out... and the people who stayed joined me to return to San Francisco the next day.  That was where we parted, though I wound up at the Metreon with most of you later that night anyway.  Thank you all for coming!

The next LiveJournal party will be announced when I'm sure of my schedule, and that I can afford to take the time to host it once more.  I'll be making this next party a Saturday only party, except that I may have a group of people over to the apartment... depending on where I'm living when the next party happens.  I'll be cross posting about it in multiple communities, so this should be the largest party ever.  I may even try to get a public place reserved for us, if I can afford it and figure out how.  It will be well organized this time.  Wish me luck!  :)

*   *   *

If any of you know where I can find a new place to live, please let me know.  I'm hoping to live in downtown San Rafael or a more central part of San Francisco, but I realize that may not be possible any more.  It's not like I'll be out on the streets or anything, but... well, this is a very difficult time for me.  The person I want to talk to most in this world hasn't contacted me in any form in five days, I have no idea where I'm going to live, or if I can even afford to move somewhere else... and things aren't looking any brighter in the future, especially as of late.  If I didn't have so many friends (and family members) supporting me emotionally right now, I'd probably go nuts.

For those of you who have already been here for me, you have my thanks... and my deepest gratitude.  For those of you who I've lost touch with, this is why I haven't been calling you on the one day a week I don't have 8+ hours of work... and I hope that you can accept my sincere apologies for it.  For those of you I don't know yet, please... do feel free to introduce yourself and say hello.  I'd like to learn more about you.  Oh, and for those of you who are simply here because I host and link to MP3 files on my Web server... stop lurking, create a free LiveJournal, and leave me a comment from your new user name some time.  :)

I don't know if I'm going to get through this without giving up a lot.  I hope that you guys won't forget about me, or give up on me... because I have a feeling that I'm going to need your help.  Oh... and even though I may be going through one of the most difficult times in my life, I'd like to remind you all of one thing... I am still here for you, as I always will be.  I may not have a lot to give right now, but I swear... all of it is yours, you need only ask.  My friends... I love you all, and I miss most of you dearly.  I'm sorry that I'm being so emotional, but all I've felt is intensity lately.  I can't feel any less intensely than I do... and lately, I've felt either extremely happy or extremely sad.

It's difficult to talk about this, but I think it helps me to admit this... and I've never wanted to hide anything from anyone in the first place.  Your advice, comments, criticism, and feedback are all welcome... as they always will be.  Thank you all for reading my useless writing.

- Chris (cK1)

Comments

( 82 comments — Leave a comment )
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adella
Mar. 9th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)
I wanted to go to anime overdose but I was busy during the time it went down :(
tidus
Mar. 14th, 2004 05:00 pm (UTC)
Awww...
Oops... sorry, my comment got posted before I finished.  I'm sorry that you couldn't make it to Anime Overdose, but it was pretty tame at times anyhow.  Are you planning to attend RECCACon on the 20th of this month?  I know that it's only a one day convention, but it's not all that far away from Anime Overdose... so I know that I'll be there.  It's only $10.00 to get in, and only one day... budget con!  *grin*

I hope that you can make it... and if you do, it would be great to spend some time talking to you at RECCACon or something.  I've always wanted to talk with you... but I know how busy you are, so I've never asked you for your phone number or anything.  I'm sure that we'll talk one day, though... and if you ever have a minute, feel free to let me know by saying hi.  :)

- Chris
Re: Awww... - adella - Mar. 14th, 2004 07:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Awww... - tidus - Mar. 15th, 2004 01:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
chanceofrain
Mar. 9th, 2004 04:21 am (UTC)
i ll luv you too! *uber huggage*

hope to see ya sometime soon chris!!!!

<3 seiji

ganymedefox
Mar. 9th, 2004 04:52 am (UTC)
It does seem like a long time since you've posted, and I know that you are busy. I'm really sorry to hear about the bad things that have happened, and hope things will look up soon.
tidus
Mar. 14th, 2004 05:32 pm (UTC)
*wraps his arms around you*
Thank you, Liz.  For someone who lives so far away from me, I feel really lucky that we became so close.  You're really sweet, as you've always been... and I know that I don't deserve such kindness from you.  It's so rare that I go out of my way to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and I feel extremely guilty for that.  While you're not the only friend that I've neglected in this regard, you are one of the few I feel most upset at myself for not keeping in touch.

(Wow, that last sentence came out horribly.  I must be more tired than I thought...)

*gently kisses your cheek*  You are a wonderful person... and no matter what you believe about yourself, that is how I will always see you.  Despite the difficulties in your life, you continue to shine when it comes to being true to yourself and others.  I hope that you never, ever lose that ability... for it's what reminds me of the closeness we used to share.  Your honesty taught me a few things about myself, and I will always smile when I remember the times when we first met online.  :)

- Chris
Re: *wraps his arms around you* - ganymedefox - Mar. 15th, 2004 01:13 am (UTC) - Expand
ligaa
Mar. 9th, 2004 05:17 am (UTC)
That really sucks. Nothing is quite as horrible as a friend who uses you. :\ *hugs* I hope you can find a place soon.. I'm not of any help, unless you want to come to New York :P
sweetmegumi
Mar. 9th, 2004 05:41 am (UTC)
Friends
I was great seeing you this weekend Chris and I'm sorry you're going through all that. You know I'm here for you. I'm not sure what I can do but will do my best. Call me if you need me.

<3 Meg
crysalim
Mar. 9th, 2004 06:34 am (UTC)
that's fucking bullshit, dude... i can tell you this, i know you got screwed on that apartment from a combonation of two things - 1) lack of initiative (bugging him about why you weren't signing papers to live there), and 2) your roomie being a manipulative dickhead.

sorry for language :) but such things deserve no respect, and will recieve none from me. from someone who has personally been in your situation, you have my deepest sympathies.

what i'd recommend to you is to pick a nice town outside of SF, and make it your home. it's much cheaper to live outside the city, much calmer, and if you live in the right place you only have to commute for 15-30 minutes. www.craigslist.org is a GREAT place to search out places to live, and i definitely recommend you give it a look, you might find something good for you :)

all in all, i wish you luck man. you're a really cool guy and i don't like it when bad things happen to good people, there's too many pricks in the world.

as for the next lj party... if it's organized well enough, i'll -so- be there :) with my new gf, nicole. i told her about the two lj parties of yours i went to over the summer last year and she totally wants to see what they're like.

later!
tearraspades
Mar. 9th, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC)
Hey!Pinole!
Hey, In Pinole there are like tons of apartments semi-full and stuff! I would know! I live in Pinole! We could rent you out a room but alas, we already have 2 non-family members renting out rooms. ;_; . I Hate this one roomate,he's like evil. Anyways, Pinole is a great place. It's Very quiet and they just built new apartments.....somewhere....^-^ that would be kinda cool. But alas,I am only a mere child,i shouldnt be talking to smart but ah well. Besides,jobs are here also. (EVERYWHERE) .

What Im trying to say: Pinole is a really good place to move to. You should,it isnt that far from San Fransisco, I swear!!!!! ^_- Hope you find some refuge!
(Deleted comment)
tidus
Mar. 16th, 2004 04:22 pm (UTC)
*cuddles with you*
You never fail to be such a sweetherat to me, Darci.  I miss talking to you.  Is there any way that I can call you these days?  I still don't know how to get in touch with you by phone, or I would have already given you a call...

- Chris
vampiricangel
Mar. 9th, 2004 06:52 am (UTC)
ick. he must die.
what a terrible thing for a roommate to do. ick. i'll ask around with the people i know in the SF area about ideas where you can stay. call me if you need anything, or just to talk, or whatnot (or if you're getting together a group to exact revenge on said roommate). [5128091168]. i hope things are looking up for you soon. [also, you can have my ddr babies, since i have no ddr skill despite my longing for it.]
touga
Mar. 9th, 2004 07:15 am (UTC)
Sweetie...

It'll all turn out for the best, I promise. ::Hug:: I for one do miss you. Life in Texas is quite... Meh. Well. It sucks, to be frank. I miss my friends over on that side of the US. I miss talking to you, and I really hope when I visit there soon I can see you again. Perhaps, if you want, you can call me. I can try to cheer you up if you want. <3.
sharachan
Mar. 9th, 2004 08:32 am (UTC)
*lots of fangirl hugs about the DDR accomplishments* I doubt I'll ever get there, at least not for a long time. I still struggle on light most of the time...

I'm sorry the other things haven't been going to good. I hope they do get better for you.
tidus
Mar. 16th, 2004 04:38 pm (UTC)
*tickles you*
You and your fangirl hugs... you're such a cutie.  By the way, when was the last time I told you how beautiful you are?  I should do that now... because you honestly are gorgeous.  :)  Good luck with DDR, sweetheart... I wish that we lived closer, so that I could give you lessons.  Perhaps I'll do that at the Metreon when you return for Yaoi-Con this year.  You can bid on me at the Bishounen Auction while you're there, as I'll be in it again this year.  ;)

Let me know if you ever want me to give you a call.  My cell number is (415) 302-8869, and you're welcome to call me any time... day or night.  If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here for you.  *gently kisses your hand*

- Chris
Re: *tickles you* - sharachan - Mar. 16th, 2004 09:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
jia_yan
Mar. 9th, 2004 08:38 am (UTC)
I'll try not to get so drunk anymore. At Anime OD, I remained pretty sober as in drinking only 1 cup, given the fact I had to drive after the dance. ^_^
(Deleted comment)
fireflytrance
Mar. 9th, 2004 10:13 am (UTC)
I really hope I can make the next LJ party. If it's in the end of March I probably can. I feel like I'm less in the group now cause I never see you guys.

Sorry about the apartment. That really sucks. I know you could get housing hear in Davis but I also know you don't want to :P Good luck finding some :)
(Deleted comment)
tidus
Mar. 16th, 2004 02:57 pm (UTC)
That sounds wonderful, Erin...
I would love to live with you, Erin... and if I can't find a local place, I'll almost certainly want to discuss the details of this with you.  Davis may be a long way away, but I'm sure that I'd have a good time there... especially for only $250.00 a month!  I really appreciate you asking me, although I'm still looking for a local place near San Rafael or San Francisco.  Can you give me a call, or send me your number in an e-mail or something?  My cell number is (415) 302-8869.  :)

- Chris
zell_dincht
Mar. 9th, 2004 10:42 am (UTC)
I feel really bad that this is happening to you... only because I wish there was some way I could help you like you have helped me while I was trying to find somewhere to live... *distressed sigh* I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I hope you find something out there... I'm sure you will just like I did...

If one of these days I get my own place, you'll be the first to know if I need a roommate. I've been out here for over a year now and thanks to you, I've been able to get a hold of myself... somewhat...

Don't be afraid to call me about anything, big brother. You know you can talk to me...
stevesmunky
Mar. 9th, 2004 10:48 am (UTC)
hi
i hope you feel better and fine somewhere to live... *hugs*(we met at anime overdose... you like my hair)
tidus
Mar. 16th, 2004 03:20 pm (UTC)
Re: hi
You're right; I did like your hair.  *hugs you tight*  How are you?  Also, how'd you find my LiveJournal?  I'm really glad that you added me to your friends list; I happily added you to mine as well when I read your comment.  By the way... let me know if you'd ever like to talk on the phone some time.  My cellular phone number is (415) 302-8869, and I always have it on... so feel free to give me a ring any time.  :)

- Chris
Re: hi - stevesmunky - Mar. 19th, 2004 04:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
vulgar_toshiya
Mar. 9th, 2004 12:30 pm (UTC)
Aiyaa.... Sweetling if we had an open room I'd offer it up... But man... O.o

Want me to go chew on your roomie's head? Much love...don't be afraid to call. Always here for ya, and if you need to break down on the phone, I'm more than happy to be the cyber-shoulder.
tidus
Mar. 13th, 2004 07:34 pm (UTC)
Awww... :)
That's really sweet of you, hon.  I would truly love to live with you if you had the room, but of course I know that you don't.  Oh, and... um... can I talk you into adding me to your friends list now?  ;)

- Chris
Ah, there we go... - tidus - Mar. 15th, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
kawaiiaya
Mar. 9th, 2004 12:37 pm (UTC)
uhhh i can't believe someone would do something like that to you.. ;o;
I'll try to look up for places in your area and ask a few people that know the area better than i do x.x;; eheh but i've passed by that area so maybe you will have a chance to find somewhere else to live- Hang in there okay? i'm there for you~ *hugs hugs hugs*

oh yes~ It was so great to finally meet you at AnimeOverdose *O* you made a great Irvine! :D eeep i gotta run to class but yes i was very worried so i read through your whole entry XD silly me i forgot i had class- take care and feel free to give me a call i'll be here to talk~
ohsupervinchan
Mar. 9th, 2004 12:56 pm (UTC)
ouch.
man, that's gotta suck. personally, i think that roommate of yours is a bastard to say the least. i figure, if he wasn't using you, he'd transfer the lease to you and ask you if it was ok for his brother to live there, but that's just me. i'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. we all love you, chris and we mean it. :D so far, all i can say is that there are a couple apartments in my building still vacant, one going for about $900/month. it's a studio about a little bit larger than my current place but it also has a patio. the neighbors here are pretty much cool and all and good old Dorkchop is gonna be needing a roommate once he fully transfers his work, home, and school to the city. Maybe you could also file a transfer over to the Radioshack near my place if you do get the apartment ^_^. It'll be some swell times =P. Lemme know what you think.
tidus
Mar. 13th, 2004 07:31 pm (UTC)
Re: ouch.
I'm glad to hear that the patio apartment is still open, because I've been meaning to ask you about that.  I even talked to my boss about transferring to that nearby RadioShack before reading your comment.  I'll give you a call when I have some time, and we'll talk.  Thanks again for your support, my friend.  I truly, sincerely meant what I said in your car on the way home from Anime Overdose... you and your friends make me feel more comfortable than nearly any other group of people I know.  Thanks for helping me out yet again with the ride, my friend.  :)

- Chris
smilingforyou
Mar. 9th, 2004 01:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs* chris..
i am here for you..if you ever need to talk. not that i could offer too much, seeing as i have never lived on my own and whatnot, but i am available to lend an ear anytime.
im sure that your life will work itself out, because you do not deserve anything less. you offer so much to people, and you do not deserve to be walked all over by some roomate. it sucks when people you trust betray it and take advantage..its a lesson to be learned, but a hard one to live though :(
<33 to you and i hope that all goes well for you in the next few weeks/months
sleep_alone
Mar. 9th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
It seems that everyone is being displaced lately. Me and my dad are moving, I've been hoping to move forever, Shannon wants to move, Noah doesn't really care but wants to move too. So many people. A lot of my friends too in general.

I hope you find a place. I hope everything gets better. Stay well. <3
leiza
Mar. 9th, 2004 01:46 pm (UTC)
*hugs with all her might*

Cheer up, hun. Things happen for a reason, that's my motto. Maybe it's time for a new change. *smiles with assurance* Besides, you have so many friends out there that care for you, it shouldn't be any trouble that they help ya out.

If you come by Dallas sometime, don't hesitate to call on me and I'll show you around town. :)
tehlorri
Mar. 9th, 2004 01:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, my. ::huggles::

Call me. Not that you need my invitation, but I would like to remind you that I'm not *so* busy that I can't listen to a friend for a while (why is it that everyone seems to forget that...). I work/am in class until 4 your time most days.
tidus
Mar. 13th, 2004 07:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetheart...
Um... the only reason I don't call you as much these days is because you haven't called me in months.  You used to call from time to time, but... well, I figured you were too busy to talk now.  So, I stopped calling... but after reading this, I think I'll try giving you another call soon.  *hugs you*  Take care of yourself, gorgeous.  :)

- Chris
Re: Thanks, sweetheart... - tehlorri - Mar. 14th, 2004 09:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Thanks, sweetheart... - tidus - Mar. 16th, 2004 03:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
ryuhayabusadoa2
Mar. 9th, 2004 01:50 pm (UTC)
Well, I hope things work out for you in the end man. That dude really deserves to die, cause If that happened to me, I'll be going postal on his ass. Just keep your head up man and think positive. I'll try to attend one of your LJ parties if it's held on a weekend or something. ^_^ It was cool seeing you again at AOD and hopefully I'll see ya at Recca as well. Here is something that might sound clich`ed, but it's true:
"if god didn't create problems, then life would be uninteresting" ^_^
tidus
Mar. 13th, 2004 07:13 pm (UTC)
*nods slowly*
Well said, my friend.  I'll be in my shitty costume at RECCACon in a week, so I look forward to seeing you there once again.  Please take care of yourself, Jorge... and good luck to you.  :)

- Chris (cK1)
Re: *nods slowly* - ryuhayabusadoa2 - Mar. 13th, 2004 07:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
captaincanada
Mar. 9th, 2004 02:01 pm (UTC)
That blows an enourmous ass, both the apartment and the LJ gathering issues...it's really tough to ever picture Chris Kraynik getting that upset over something, but with something like this, I'm not surprised. Best of luck in finding someplace to go. You still have so many people to turn to for help, don't forget that.

Nice song and DDR accomplishment, at least. X)
tidus
Mar. 13th, 2004 07:11 pm (UTC)
Thank you...
It was really great to see you again, James... and you came in with Allison, no less!  It felt just like old times... you were smiling like you did a year ago.  I wish that you'd had some time to drop by the arcade later last night, but I guess you were busy... and don't worry, I'm not upset about it or anything.  *lol*  I'm just glad that I got to see you for a minute, and give you a hug and all.  Thanks for the props regarding my DDR accomplishment, bro.  Coming from you, that means a lot.  :)

- Chris (cK1)
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